In Search of My Fitted Cap: Thoughts while watching VS Fashion Show

sometimes

I just wonder where exactly I will fit in all this.   I know what I do.  I know how to do it.  I got the drive.  I own the power.  I have a great God, who blessed me with this gift.  but I wonder where the heck do I fit?  Am I writer or a performer or both? I mean I know I am both.  But if I am to successfully make this transition out of the workforce in a year, I simply must ask myself these necessary questions so that I can take the necessary steps, and if I turn out to be wrong, I’ll double back and restart.   but how the hell can I make my artistic creativity and love of writing turn a big enough profit for me to survive off of….
I realize some lifestyle changes would have to be made, but I am talking about switching states and starting over somewhere else.  I need to be able to make ends meet and not need or require any governmental assistance in order to make it…if that’s the case, then I might as well take shows when I get them and keep working where I am and stay stable.
 Are my dreams worth my instability? 

if so, for how long….? 
Which brings me back to square one.  Finding where I fit in all this and making the right moves.  Am I a writer?  Blogger?  I don’t have a journalism degree…what will that stop?? Should I have one?  Is THAT what I should be in school for?  Am I  a show facilitator?  A performer?  Do I do poetry or  motivational speaking?  Do I tour open mics or colleges or both? If i were being totally honest, i would either post the blog i wrote & saved before this one (its not posted obviously) or i would just say in less words, i don't feel like i "fit" in the spoken word scene....now ain't that some shit?? Its true...i don't....but i never have....i will never be best friends with the greats, although some of the greats have given me GREAT compliments...i still don't fit...and i'm totally ok with that...i still love the scene, the culture and the people....and will undoubtedly always be a part of it...but as for making this my LIFE, thats not where i fit...
so where DO i fit in all this? 

  How can I turn my heart and passion into my career if I don’t know what direction I should head in? 

I gotta find where I fit in all this.  I am surrounded by people who are living out their heart’s desire DAILY….you see it on their faces….you see freedom in their eyes when they speak or don’t speak.  YOu can feel it….its something uniquely different about their aura….today I posted on my facebook page that one of my biggest fears is not having lived out my artistic desires before my dust meets the Atlantic Ocean..(if someone would please take my remains to the nearest coast of it in NYC) ….this next year is in full effect….this isn’t something I’m just saying cause its new years or because it sounds good; this is real life.  I want out of indianapolis and I want into my artistic being. 
All I gotta do is find out where in all this I fit.