I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings................

A free bird leaps

on the back of the wind   

and floats downstream   

till the current ends

and dips his wing

in the orange sun rays

and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks

down his narrow cage

can seldom see through

his bars of rage

his wings are clipped and   

his feet are tied

so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings   

with a fearful trill   

of things unknown   

but longed for still   

and his tune is heard   

on the distant hill   

for the caged bird   

sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze

and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees

and the fat worms waiting on a dawn bright lawn

and he names the sky his own

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams   

his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream   

his wings are clipped and his feet are tied   

so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings   

with a fearful trill   

of things unknown   

but longed for still   

and his tune is heard   

on the distant hill   

for the caged bird   

sings of freedom.

~MayaAngelou

#RIH <3 nbsp="">

#Untitled

Oh to be loved.

Sometimes I wonder if this isn’t a myth in my life.  I wonder if there is really a person somewhere out there, awaiting the moment he will finally find me. He’s supposed to find ME right?

Often, I find myself grooving to the beautiful sounds  of love from the writings and recordings of singers, who according to top hits and underground language, always manage to showcase the feeling of love and being loved so eloquently in bars of sixteens.  One of my favorite songs right now is Beyonce (yes Beyonce…unlike lots, I’m neither apart of her cult of followers or haters), “XO”.  I think the composition of the music screams love. A fun, fluid love that is full of motions. 

I listen to this song and wonder if that will ever be true for me.

Most times,

My internal answer is no.  If we create our reality, then it is quite possible that my subconscious has chased away the love of my life because I do NOT believe that he exists. I KNOW for fact that he is no where near the state lines of Indiana.  I’ve given up on every.single.man. in this city and truthfully speaking, not a single one of them has an opportunity with me.  I don’t even mean that like “I’m THAT girl and every man should be broken because  he stands no chance with the likes of me”; I’m not the shit like that. I’m a woman full of mistakes, a past, a following, a lot of confusion and emotions. I have flaws as much as the next person and I still believe that I am a good woman.  But to say that I am even WILLING to date or entertain any of these dudes in this city would be telling a lie to myself first. I will not give my number, body, emotions, time or otherwise any other part of me to any one in this city. I don’t need that shit.

Nor do I want it.

I want to just …..move.  

Q.

Queen.

You were the type of friend that embodied every part of me that you adored and never wavered, even when I encouraged you to.

You read every blog. EVERY blog, no matter the level of importance to me, you read. You read my main blogs, my side blogs, my start up blogs, and my unfinished blogs.  You attended shows….you came over before shows to upwind with me and then after shows (if you could make it) to unwind.  We had so many parties of two, that I don’t know who I am supposed to do this with now. 

So I concede to do it with no one.

I appreciate everyone in my life.

But right now, in this moment, as I listen to this song by Kelis (Runnin), I am realizing that you are gone. Most days, I pretend mentally/subconsciously that you are a phone call away.  But you aren’t. And every time I post a blog here, and it has ZERO views because I didn’t attach a link to fb, I am reminded that you are gone.

Usually, I would always see ONE person had read it. It never says who, it just does a number count. I always knew it was you.  Never confirmed it.  Now I have.

….the worst part of death is I don’t know if I will EVER see you again, or if I do, if you will even remember it was me.