if success is living
at your highest potential
seizing each second as if there were no next one…two…three…four…
if success is
living beyond your wallet, your confinements, your stressors, your negatives….if success …..is living until there is nothing left but memories, than I must sign up as a success story.
Because the truth is, I have a pretty shitty life. Not that, that is a bad thing. And really, its not shitty, but I liked how that sounded right there and right then…..but my life is…..challenging….and probably no more challenging than the next person’s, but this is my life and I speaketh from my perspective and my life is….difficult.
Too often. My life is sour more than I want it to be. So I signed up to start meditating for the next 21 days…..and ….truthfully….idk what I think about that yet…..but I’m not giving up on it……so any who…..this is not a blog about my challenges…..
this is a blog about success.
and I am something like successful. Not only was able I to pull off Mars Vs. Venus, I created a circle of unity and love and RESPECT, of each other, in a “competition” setting but without competition…….I’m not bragging.
Maybe I am….but just a little. But its not about that….and I did not do it on my own, I did with a network of people and a solid team of trusting and trustworthy people by my side. We hold hands round here'"!!!!
Mars Vs. Venus 2012.
I have been wanting to do one of these shows since I saw it in Detroit during WoWps….see the previous blog for more on that…that was 2009….I still have faux fliers I was messing around with in Photoshop for it…I should find them and post them…..but to finally have done it….my “name” so to speak, aside, to have been able to bring something so empowering, not just for the people, but for the poetry community that desperately needed it so badly, is so fucking humbling and scary and wonderful all at the same damn time!!! I fucking have POWER. And I KNOW that shit now. Like, I’ve known for some time, but now, I am POSITIVE of it….last night, we turned Peace of Mind Pub & Eatery into a bridge over a dam and we, the poetry community and lovers alike, turned that bridge into Graffiti Bridge. We spray painted and drew pictures and twirled ribbons and danced, skipped, hopped and jumped around, holding hands, like kids…..like we just hit the piñata….and the audience was candy…
the trophies were awesome….but fuck the trophies.
We fucking did it. We proved to ourselves, and I hope all my fellow Indianapolis poets who participated and witnessed last night know this, that we are a community. That with the common goal in sight, we CAN work together. We CAN build and create maps and puzzles and plans and blueprints, shit we can do ANYTHING we want to….together.
I had to replace people throughout the month leading up to last night. And it doesn’t matter. I have dealt with attitudes because people felt like they should have been prime candidates to be on the team. And I probably didn’t handle that particular situation AS correct and loving as I wish I had’ve, but so what. Seriously. It doesn’t matter. Those teams last night…..understand, those ten poets on those two teams last night, representing not only their genders, but OUR craft, were not “Chosen'” by me…..I am merely the conduit the fluid is running thru. That’s it. I did what divine order said and I believe in God….strongly. So please believe that I believe this has little to do with what “januarieYork” wants and everything to do with what God says we need. As a whole.
Those ten poets last night, Sleepy P, Theon Lee, T.Odis, Gabrielle, Rehema, Too Black, Tony Styxx, Cory, Chenzira, DuWaup….
and then my co-host Jus Will….and then my partner Kia….and our partner Neena….and our partners Peace of Mind….
All of this was destined to come together JUST the way it did. And I am so proud. I don’t know whether to keep crying or start dancing. When I turned that corner, nearly 45 minutes late, and saw a completely FULL parking lot, I could almost have crashed the Yorkie in awe. It was stressful, it was high power, high voltage…..
we were stressed for the first hour because we were late and hadn’t set up, greeted people, we just felt like shit for the first hour. But it came together perfectly. To see it on the TVs, to see all the camera’s rolling, it was like a freaking poetry press conference….the upper bar area was like the paparazzi post!!! People were everywhere ….you could barely walk without bumping into a person….it was crazy….it was poetic. It was fucking awesome ….it was accomplishment….
it was EVERYTHING poetry and specifically Spoken Word, are about, IMO. *shrug*
The first time I saw Beauty vs. Brawn in Detroit, was the day this got rolling. I am honored, so extremely HONORED, to have shared these moments with kindred spirits. I am honored to have witnessed the POWER of our poetry community….the driving force in our words!!! We went to CHURCH last night and not everybody can understand that!! We had fun last night!! The judges had fun….it was challenging….it was a true challenge, there were freaking huddles happening behind us!!! Me and my cohost set off the competition like our poems were on fire our voices were water, yes this is a braggadocios blog. I am fucking PROUD dammit. And I will not let the cloud of “don’t be over confident” ruin the fact that I should be Proud. And its not all me. I say that again. This was a collective effort. I am simply a conduit.
I love it. I am so high. So stoked….still…..the last 48 hours, my house has been filled with poetic spirits, song and dance….we have laughed our fucking asses off…..we’ve shit talked….we’ve sparred and took shots and laughed some more and did steak n shake twice back to back and just vibed….like folks aint gotta go to work the next day. We…..created new memories…
one of my FAVORITE things to do.
And if that wasn’t enough, the women took home the title of CHAMP!!!! HA!! #BatmanPow! And it was definitely a challenge. We were getting our ass kicked in the beginning, but we took it. We took control of it and tied that baby up, only to get the tie breaking round handed over to us. I love it. I HOPE like crazy there are no ill feelings or what ifs or shoulda/coulda/wouldas…I hope, with every fiber in me, that everyone sees themselves as successful last night. As a part of poetry’s Graffiti Bridge. It was a reunion that will be talked about for ages. And there were blips and hiccups, but this was the first one. And it…..just took my breath away. That damn parking lot took my breathe away.
This is a long blog.
and I’m gonna end it because I could go on forever about the bliss of last night…..but wait!!!!
-the parking lot poetry cypher and chill session….how the stars sat underneath the stars and shared shooting star theories…..
there were groups of people….there was laughter…..there was love….someone came up there at the last minute just to get a business card….she ended up walking into the parking lot cypher and staying and being FED….she told this to me….and gave me some free earrings…. SWEET….it was beautiful. It was wonderful.
It was poetry.
And I’m so blessed and so proud, and I beg of myself to remain humble enough to do it again and again and again so that I may continue to bring unity and light and ENlightening to my communities and people as often as possible. Fuck.
I had to say that.
Its beautiful. In close, I refer back to my challenging life. Life is a challenge. It is a never ending series of how do you handle it moments and somewhere in there, we are supposed to fit peace, love and laughter, in order fill out the balance. I have found my balance. And this is not an epiphany. I’ve been knowing this for years. I’m just revisiting the thought. My balance lies within the lines and the love that we create when we put our lines together. You guys are my family. By accident. I didn’t mean for you to be and I try not to put too much pressure on you or even the same pressures that come with being “blood” family. All I ask is love and respect…mutually….if I get it, we become…..but if I don’t, I get ghost. I’ve ghosted a few in the recent weeks….and that doesn’t necessarily OR JUST refer to poetry. My challenging life has undergone some changes and a facelift over the weeks….I’ve lost close members of family to eternity and finally let go of #SmallFries (see other blogs). And last night, was JUST the thing I needed. And so was my dress.
For me, last night was about fearlessness. Fearlessness of wearing something over the top, fearlessness of competing against a GIANT, fearlessness of having the ability to put together something HUGE and it being successful. Again….my life is challenging. Even as I type this, the extremes of Kendria and januarieYork are too crazy to believe. But they are truth and still parallels; perfect parallels. Guess that’s why they are in the same body *shrug*
I needed this. I SO needed this. FOr soooo many reasons, but mostly because I’ve been needing to be poetically nurtured and fed to the point that I think my notebooks look emaciated. 0_x
And last night. I got that. From ten of the dopest poets I know. From ten of the best Indy and surrounding areas have to offer. Yeah I hand picked them. Contacted them one by one and the ones that said yes and stuck to it, weren’t doing it JUST because they wanted to. They weren’t doing januarieYork a “favor”….this is way bigger than us and our pissy ass egos…..
this was/is divine order.
So feel free to shoot the messenger if you must
but my challenging life….
….is simply being SUCCESSFUL at living as the conduit.
Its my “scary age” as they say on sex in the city. Matter a fact, as I sit here, on my loveseat sofa with the fan blowing in the opposite direction of my thoughts, I feel like I should stop this literary session briefly to exchange A Perfect Murder with one of the fun, flirty seasons of Sex in the City. SITC is my designated Sunday show and my writing show. Whenever I have nothing else to watch or want to watch something and be amused to write at the same time (and it not be to music), I pick SITC. After all, I’m JUST shy of being the black Carrie, with a splash of seemingly ALL three of the other ladies; strong emphasis on Samantha. #DontJudgeMe
hmmm….shall I break?
I think I shall. So with that said, in a play by play sort of blog, I shall BRB. . . -
15 minutes later.
So that turned out to be more …I ended up making a quick gas station run. Any who, back to the lecture at hand….Now playing Politically Erect, episode 1 of season four…I think..
my scary age. …..35 …..those closest to me can attest to the fact that if there is anyone out here proud of EVERY age she turns, it is me. I age myself the next year, six months into my newest change. I am proud of my age, whatever it is. I always have been and have never understood ppl who don’t claim their ages. I never understood why it was disrespectful to ask a woman how old she was. In my mind, I’m glad to have made it THIS far, so let me shout it and celebrate it with a weekend (or week) of parties, shots and laughter. But if ever there was an age that scared me, it is 35. Its like the beginning of the end of your youth. No one calls you young anymore unless they are significantly older than you. 35 is that, “if you don’t know it by now, what the hell have you been doing all this time” age….for me. Thirty five is the beginning of the change; in varying aspects. Your body starts making jokes and pulling tricks that are only described as menopause later. Your egg production decreases, the pickings get slimmer and it begins to seem as if where you are is where you will be. …at least in SOME areas.
But more VIP than all the above mentioned, 35 is the age I said I wanted to be when I moved to NYC.
and its close.
very….I am 33 …I am putting a quick end to the youthful side of my numeric and moving full speed into a seasoned GROWN ASS WOMAN. ….the scary part, is I’m STILL trying to make it…..whatever it is….hell I even wonder if I’m still trying to figure out what “it” is……the thing about SITC is they talked about these issues, but each of them were perfectly placed in their respective careers…..mine is still up in the air…..although I AM experiencing job stability for the first time in my life…..33…time is rolling on the river and I seem to alternate between swimming and barely floating with my nose up. *shrug*
So…..I say all this to say, I want to start a 35 series on this blog…however, if you read some or all of the prior postings on here, you will find my intent to start LOTS of different types of blog series….currently it is my attempt to use my other EBlog to start the La Douleur eXquise (formerly the eXquisite Pain) series. ….of which I bring my audience closer to the various characters of the next show….after last night’s preview of one of my characters and how well it went, I think perhaps I may actually get on top of it but we’ll see….I have a full plate and a side of assorted desserts, so some things fall to the wayside…..this new series, the 35 series, hopefully will not land on the bench…I really think it’s a great idea to get me blogging when I want to blog but don’t have anything I’m interested in discussing….Listing is always fun, so this series will be a collection of lists…..different lists of 35, starting with 35 things I would say to the younger me….
that is sorta where the idea was birthed from….we’ll call it the Father …lol….I’ve seen and heard a lot of ppl writing or talking about all the things they’d say to a younger version of themselves or writing letters to the different ages of their life and so forth…I wanted to do one but am not a big fan of bandwagons…..so to make it ok in my mind, its just gonna be apart of this series….lololol….
So….I didn’t plan on this blog being THIS long, so I will blog my first list separately….but we’ll start with the 35 things I’d say to a younger me. And from there, hopefully I can keep this series as a point guard and we will see how it grows and how many baskets it makes !