- I reinvented hanging with myself. Never been one to not do something because I didn’t have a “plus 1” to do it with, I had started to lose that side of me. I have thrown so many parties and hosted so many ladies nights, that somehow I think I started thinking everyone was my friend, when I knew damn well everyone wasn’t. I started feeling like I needed someone there with me to do what I wanted to do; which I don’t. I would miss out on shows and events I wanted to attend because no one was interested in doing these things with me. That also started making me bitter. As if, why the eff don’t people ever want to do some of the things I want to do when I so often do things with them that I on my own would not take part in, like movies for example. I hate the movies. This was something I was able to admit to myself while on this journey. I don’t like going to the movies and a movie has to be something I REALLY want to see in order for me to go. But I have often bypassed that to do with people what they wanted, but felt that reciprocated less often than fair. But that’s ok. I have attended several events/shows by myself again in the last 30 days. I didn’t even ask people to go, I just took care of me. And each time, though it would have been fun to have someone to whisper my thought of the moment to, I enjoyed myself nonetheless. I’m back to lunches and dinners by myself, walks in the artistic broadripple or drives to no where with the music blasting.
- I have spoken up about a few things: known to keep my silence this is one I’ve been working on all my life. I attended the Kools Bazaar show and ordered Crème Brulee…that shit was horrible…..for the first time in my life, I sent my food back and refused to pay for what I didn’t like. And it worked with no problems. I also had some issues with some people, nothing big, but I spoke up in my defense about it. Something I am such a rookie at. There are several other small stories that may mean nothing to mankind, but are gigantic steps for me personally and I must say, I am proud!
- I took control of my writing career and poetry career. Since taking that control, I am gearing up for a great show in September at the IMA’s Toby Theater with Ms. Tasha Jones, I am gearing up for my secret invite only cd release party (more on that in a sec) and I have started “freelancing” as a review writer for a local blog and a writer for Midwest Leak magazine. These opportunities don’t put any cash in my pocket but they provide a door opening and the experience I need to continue to be successful. I have also started a fashion blog designed to show women how easy it is to feel beautiful daily and change the way your energy flows.
- I’ve been blessed with a variety of things that have proven to me that the time is now for my cd to be released….everything I wanted or needed has started raining down in my lap again. It has happened before, and I stood up and let it all fall out…this time, I understand better. I have been blessed with a befitting venue, as well a few other things that mean the world to me and continue to prove the time has come. I learned that I didn’t want to do a big production. I don’t trust people to come to be honest. (I’m learning to express more honesty with self). So I decided to make it an invite only event to be shared with the people who I am either that close to or those who I know have been anticipating this moment almost more than me. And for them, I have something very special planned. All this and more at the end of this journey.
- I’ve dwindled my savings back down to the red zone. Not a part of the plan, but something I just thought about and wanted to add in here so when I re-read this, and I will, I will be reminded that money spending discipline needs to be practiced during the next month. However, I did get a television; something I have been in dyer need of.
- I’ve cut out people. The unnecessary people. Not all of them yet, but little by little, I have learned that sometimes you open yourself up to people and people move on. People grow old of you or find better people than you. Whatever the case, dead weight is dead weight whether it’s a lover or a friend and im learning that regardless of what I wish or remember, some relationships don’t outlive their memories. And im cool with that.
- I’ve been blessed with Jill Scott (new cd) Beyonce (new cd); the re-release of Alicia Keys (songs in A minor) as well as a Sade concert (I completely missed John Legend to my extreme disappointment) and she was just priceless…no better way to say it; I am gearing up for Cirque Du Soleil in a few weeks, Kings of Leon shortly afterwards and to top it all off and to end this journey a cruise to Cozumel, Mexico. This is called LIVE.
- I got a new facebook to get away from all the noise and commotion that was going on, on the other one. I just felt so disconnected which was quite the irony considering I was connected to over 1000 people.
- I attended a golf outing and dinner at Live Casino with my job. I just can’t explain how that made me feel. Real cheesy but fabulous on the inside.
- I changed my name and decided shortly after saying it would be used for literary purposes, decided that not only was my name now januarieYork and I don’t care what anybody says, thinks or how often I get compared to P.Diddy, in addition to that, januarieYork would be my name. period. Even if I am on stage. nSAYchable has run her course and been run out the building. And since I want to continue building and she started to tear it all apart, it was time she get laid to rest next to Butter. Will people still call me nsay?? OF course, just like they still call me B or Butter, but in due time, it will be phased out. Change is necessary. Will I change my name again? Heavens no!! Was this absolutely necessary and unavoidable. YES!
My 1st 30 Days Review
So approximately one month ago today, I began a self appointed journey that I was driven to try, my own way, from reading an article in Essence Magazine that spoke of doing your on EPL journey. For me, this journey came without explanation. I didn’t know what I wanted from it or what I hoped would happen while on it, I just knew I needed a change and I needed to get closer to God. I had lost my passion for writing….or maybe I lost my passion for performance seeing as though writing is something I never stop doing. I didn’t know and to be honest, still don’t know, who I could trust, who my friends versus my foes are and why I was so caught up in caring about either. I missed my sister in Atlanta. I missed the days we just went driving for no reason and don’t have anyone I do that with. I was suffering from nostalgia. I missed Fighting Words; I missed that camaraderie. I missed the road, I missed the stage, I missed me. Then I suck at being a part of a family, so I needed to work on that and more than all those things, I just wanted to grow as a person. I wanted to learn more about what I love to do (writing/poetry); I wanted to read more, laugh more, experience love in other ways from other avenues and I wanted to most of all, LIVE. Something I toggle with doing despite the fact that I am alive. I wanted to change. So I embarked on day one, not knowing what would be different about it or what would happen.
Initially meant for one month, I extended this journey thru summer’s end around the first two weeks. I saw the procrastination in me rearing its ugly head and decided that the disclipline needed to make this successful for my life, would take longer than the 30 days. So with that said, I am going to do a recap of moments that stood out or meant the most to me:
Things I need to work on for the next 30 days of Eat Pray Love LIVE.
-praying daily – this one is taking so much discipline to get right, it makes no sense
- posting less on facebook if it has nothing to do with my career; I have a blog and twitter for that
- saving money
- finishing up the final touches on La Douleur eXquise
- working within my community
- buy me a ring for my left hand – THIS JUST IN!!! I just discovered a diamond missing out of the ring I have worn on my left hand for the last 6 years. I have two rings I wear every day. One is my grandfathers ring on my right and one was a gift years ago. I am just in this moment realizing, after seeing this diamond gone, that it is time to let go completely. This ring has a bit of significance to it, actually a lot. But its time that it lay next to the gifted bracelet that was given to me a year before the ring. Maybe in my book, you’ll read the story about the bracelet and how that Christmas turned out to be the most unforgettable and worst Christmas I have EVER experienced in my life. Its time to get this ring off my hand, esp off my left hand.
- procrastination – this has got to go….maybe later ; )
- loving ME, MORE. There is no way you can love yourself too much. The more you love self, the less you allow outside factors to bring unnecessary pain to your life.
That’s it for now. Thanx for reading (or not….cue *crickets*).