The WTF (e)X-Files

SIGH......this dude never ceases to amaze me....he would probably send the hit crew after me if he knew i posted this....but whatever....dude, find your ass.....you should be HONORED and ecstatic that you are even on my FL after our turbulent 1460+ days spent together.....did you NOT just write me a letter ??? You should research your words and tread fucking light with me......REAL LIGHT.  Oh you are not invited here....which means, you don't see this....lol..... ***deletes low blow comment ***

But i digress...anywho, i posted something on facebook earlier....and i was thinking about how Rihanna's song, We Found Love, became my ringtone from the moment I heard it until i switched out my phone....it woke me up every morning, next to my who is now referred to as my ex.....i latched on to that song because it felt like my life...again....like i literally was in love with someone who i had NO hope for a future with.....he hated the song too....but whatever.....anyway, i was going thru my playlist looking for something to listen to and saw that song and it sparked a facebook post that went like this:
When you stick with love you found in a hopeless place, you will wake up one day without hope for your future...and not even realize it.... Take that trash to the curb.


I happened to venture back to that post only to see someone had commented on it. ....my ex....different ex, same hopeless place........actually, not the same....Mr J, as we will call him, was from the King of Hopeless Places.....Small Fries (my most recent ex/relationship/tape dispensing love), as he was often referred to, was on a much smaller scale of hopelessness..... So Mr J had the guts to comment on my status and it went something like:
That sounds like a sad existence. For one your future should'nt be dictated by love or a human being . Your future should always be priority. So maybe that thought process should be takn 2 the trash

To which I responded:

I didnt mean your future is dictated by love or a human being....but staying in the wrong situation, regardless of what it is, can diminish hope for your future, whatever it is. * shrug * My opinion, my experiences. .... to each his own.   The thing about interpretation is everyone is not going to interpret something the way you meant it.....so i am going to respect his right to decipher MY meanings using his brain, not mine.....but clearly there was a disconnect....i do not mean that ones future is dependent upon love or another individual.....if I don't know anything else, i know WAYYYYY better than that.....what i meant is when you find yourself in a hopeless situation and you continuously stick around it instead of trading it in for better (even if better is nothing at all), then that hopelessness will eventually begin to seap into other areas in your life......in my opinion, the first place it leaks out is how you view your future....its possibilities, what is in store for you, what you can or can't do...where you can go, who you can be....it has nothing to do with being "WITH" someone or in "love" ....but detrimental situations do not only affect/effect thy heart.....i've been in one before, so i know this much....matter a fact, my detrimental situation was with the individual making the comment . ......and i am LIVING PROOF, that staying where there is NO hope, can kill off your dreams and more....it took many years to get on my feet again....to remember me again, to LOVE MYSELF again....and more than that, it took the better half of five or more years to believe in my future again.....not including love.....My everything was broken ....confidence, belief, trust and so much more....one NEEDS these things in order to see and believe that their future has a chance at being something .......and after four years spent with this dude, i left him and found myself back at the bat for love for what would be the next almost seven years.....and you know what happened...it was hopeless....and i knew it from the jump....but i thought i had time to pass with him....before i knew it, i looked up and was no longer in my 20's, he was still there and our relationship was still high school o_O  And i was headed in fast speed towards not believing in me or my future again....i'm ok with not having anyone in my life right now for this reason....15 years i spent letting three specific relationships mold and shape me and how i saw what was to come....aka my future.....this last time, after the tape dispenser fiasco, i knew if i stayed, my future was dead.  And by future, i don't mean with him...i mean with me....because if i am no good, then i am nothing good to my future....whether its writing, performing or finding out how to be a bum on the street, i will be no good for any of it if i am not good to myself.  I'm simply recovering from the last 15 years to be honest....i like someone too....i do....just on the surface, nothing serious, nothing too much but i do like someone but i likely will do NOTHING with this individual....why ? Because i am so fragile, that if he flicks my pinky, it might make me cry.....but what won't happen is i will not allow another person, male, female, love, friend, family rearrange how i view my future by inviting me to table with plates full of hopelessness.....but that is damn sure what happens if you stay where you know you should not be.   So that is what i meant...but no one wants to read all that on facebook right ??? Lol.... Mr J...it IS a sad existence.....to find love in a hopeless place.....but it is ELATING when you restore your faith and your hope, and find forever in your future....with or without love.


Dare i notice where his way of thinking got him .....maybe your future isn't DICTATED by others or by love, but when you add one or the other to how you think, you MIGHT make better decisions....at least a few .... I'd also like to add cellular devices are illegal in prisons. o_O #Petty

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