Domino Mutha&@&*($! !!!

I will not let my heart be put on the battlefront anymore....

no more bullets

no more darts

no more taking shit for the team....

no more teammates who oddly enough like to dress in the rivaly uniforms.

Love has worked me over for the past 15 years.....

I just want to BE.

And if love is to BE with me, then so shall it be. But from this moment forward, i'm going to accept my life as it is....i'm going to stop complaining about love and wanting attention and looking like the desperate woman i have been looking like for the past few weeks.....the loneliness....the emptiness in my soul, my spirit, have hit an all time high.....and in the cyber world i have become wayyyyy to accustomed to, i have put my weaknesses out there to be seen, judged, gawked at and more than likely Laughed at.

That ends now.

From this moment forward, i am going to act like the grown old ass woman that i am.....and no matter how lonely i am, i have to deal with life as it deals with me....i have to treat it good regardless of what happens or how i feel about current situations.....and i will keep on fucking my shower (see, i'm too willing to share) because its safer....not just for my body....

My dopamine flow after a showerfed orgasm never has me waiting on the showerhead to call me....

miss me

or even be willing to love all that is me.....

and what i desire for this point foward in my life

is not to crave love like i do

to not want to share a connection with someone like that.....

if i'm not interesting enough

cool enough

dope enough

pretty, crazy, sexy or cool enough to have what it is i wish i were apart of ......

Then fuck it.


Fuck crying about that which i can't change

fuck writing poems about being lonely

fuck stats


fuck thoughts

fuck effort….can someone put effort in for me for once….fuck humans, I need an alien hubby. Shit.

and fuck sharing my vulnerabilities for all to see and laugh at.

I'm growing up a lil bit, little by little.

And this epiphany came to me this morning, that i've been doing much....easily what could be considered "TheMost" .......i've been TRYING too much....being TOO vocal.....being too willing to show the world i'm hurting for simple affection.....not fucking....just simple affection.....at first it felt like from a woman, maybe that would make others not feel so bad about being lonely sometimes.....but then to again, maybe i was hoping someone would relate to me and I wouldn’t feel so fucking weird and foolish….

Chasing fools gold

Looking thru old mines that were shut down years ago….for a diamond…..

Its all good. I’m just gonna back off my own neediness

And allow myself to just.BE.

Cause at the end of the day, no matter who you are with,

No matter how often

If you can’t just BE with yourself

Then you can’t BE anything good with anyone else.

And although I’ve always been good with myself, which is part of the fucking problem if not the reason in totality, I know that its time to stop wishing, wanting, telling, talking, missing, longing and yearning…..

And time to get my dogs nuts cut off

Paint my room

Get my furniture

And live my life and allow the chips to fall as they may.

Domino muthafucka.

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