Sentimental Mood is playing thru the headphones into my ears and the tapping of the keys makes one wonder if the piano player knew that every key he was hitting would sound like a memory to woman with more than a handful of them. The horns will slowly bring this song back to the origin of its beat and again the sentiments will come back in a blurry of tears……
The second time…..
Yes things are changing. And I couldn’t be more proud or more honored to watch another sister take flight. ….she’s experienced a lot. As did my other two sisters. Indy holds so much intense pain from various outlets for all of us. When I think about all four of us as a whole, its hard for me to fathom how I’ve stayed here within the confines of my pain for so long but I’m looking for my out. Its just not my time yet. When it is, I trust that I will know. In the meantime, I will keep working towards that liftoff for me personally so that someone else may hold in tears behind smiles that hid the truth. But my sisters, all three of them, found this place to be a place of pain and love, hurt and happiness and time and space. They’ve spent their time here….now its time for space. Distance….this sister of mine still has a some months left before she opens those wings out completely and I watch her flight while pretending the wind is what is making my eyes tear up. But this is the countdown. That countdown I’ve experienced two other times. And I’m not a pro…..and although my eyes are not blurry at this moment, bits and pieces of it coming together do make me tear up. …but again, not in a bad way. ….not even in a selfish way….almost in a melancholy-joyful way. Another sister I will hate to see leave but will love to watch her fly. She deserves it. So did my other two. As I see her get closer and closer to the end of this plank, as much as the grand finale will pain me internally, I would be a lie if I said I am not inspired. Not just by her leaving, but by her fearlessness….all one needs is a drop of it, kinda like melanin, and you can overcome anything that makes you want to turn around and run. She is not running. She is walking, in her own pace, towards the lift off….and her wings are not at her sides…..they are opening…..as a matter a fact, they are moving…..finding their footing out here…..and pretty soon, she will be another teaching moment for me…..a moment that dares me to say enough already, I want in on that ! Another moment for me to reflect and ask myself am I am too scared ??? Another moment of inspiring sisterhood.
This IS TheScaryBeautiful.
Its selfish to wish they would stay or come back or to wish I was going to. But I’d be a lie if I said those things weren’t true. Its hard to get close to people and then have to let them go. But this isn’t letting go as in cutting ties. This is letting go and letting live. Indy simply isn't big enough to hold all four of these personalities together. The light that emits from the four of us individually is enough to rival Times Square.
Thru love, true love indeed, none of these bonds will ever be broken. Space is just room for love to grow right ? I believe so.