A Sunny Rain Dance w/Hands

 

They say when one door closes, another one opens. 

I’ve done a lot of door closing.  If you are an avid reader of this blog, that is info you may already be privy to.  I closed the one door that I thought was holding back from the future awhile ago and every since then, its as if I walked out into a sunny rain-dance and never stopped to grab my shoes.  And boy does the water feel good on my feet. 

I walked out first and The Sir was right behind me.  I didn’t know if it was snooty or not to stop at the door and let him open it for me.  I guess if the man leads, then that wouldn’t be an issue.  But our exit left me in front so instead of stopping at the two doors, I opened them.  I opened the doors.  And walked out into a sunny rain dance.  I never heard the second door close but I did hear the sound of the lifelines on my hands as they rippled with electricity upon smashing into his. He grabbed my hand the moment we walked out.  I don’t remember the last time I held hands.  Or skipped in the rain.  Or looked up at the night sky while my head leaned on a warm shoulder.  But here we were.  Less than five feet from the door I walked out of first and he interlocked his fingers with mine like we were professional romantics who never wanted to leave that moment.  Dare I say everything stopped.  My fingers grazed his hand as best as they could.

I touched knuckles, fingernails, fingertips.  I felt his truths, his lies, his flaws and his reasons….all in one hand hold.  For the short time it was, it was infinite to me.  This is that extraordinary, ordinary that Maxwell sings about on his CD.  How could something as simple as a hand hold become the cause and cure?? The rhyme and reason?? How old am I ? Who does this ? Why have I allowed myself to be deprived of DESIRE and ROMANCE to the point that things like this make me mentally somersault repeatedly until I fall out and bust my head open. ….lol.  Its true….  I stepped over the heavy puddles of sky water that collected in different spaces as we made our way to the car.  At times, that made our bodies move further apart in opposite directions.

But our hands never let go.

To the back of the car we ended up at the finish line of this hand meet-n-greet.  Suddenly we were silly teenagers.  We were people enjoying the moment.  The time.  The seconds that moved softly and slowly across time.  He pulled me towards his body and played lip games and teased each other with long stares, smiles and deep hugs that penetrated parts of my soul that may never release that feeling.  Finally we let go.  Dinner was over.  The short walk from the restaurant to the car was complete.  And our hands…….well at least MY hands, felt like they were internally shaking with lusty excitement.  His hands had turned on mine and they were now desiring him to touch them again.  But we didn’t.  He went left….i went right….

And we got in the car.

The same car 

We would do it again several more times that night in between walking, talking and making up stories about random things found downtown.  Yeah…..our hands made love and our eyes never gave up the key to the lock….if our hands were our bodies, it was like they were in the middle of a deserted parking lot doing things no one should see or hear about later…..

Our hands….had their way with each other.

Our hands never stopped touching each other…..all night long, our hands rubbed and caressed and held …something.  Nothing was sexual but it was all intimate.

It was all romance.

The one thing I’ve craved and dare I say needed for the longest was finally given the go ahead to come into my life.  I closed off a door with steel, concrete and a brick outer layer, and opened up double French glass pieces of future, looked around and was covered in what I been whining about….desire.  But in the recent weeks, I started to realize something…..its not desire….

Or not JUST desire…..

Its romance.

Its intimacy. 

And its desire…..so in the event that D word doesn’t cover romance and intimacy let me just say there is nothing like it in the world.

The next time you with someone you love or adore or just like a lot, grab their hand.  Hold it.  Let your conversation happen between dark lines on your hands.

And don’t just hand hold. Hand explore.  Learn a lesson or listen to a joke expel from the wrinkles across his/her fingers. 

I tell you…..there is no more right on time than The Sir.  I’d be a lie if I said he doesn’t have my undivided attention.  But I’m pacing myself.  Fearful and scared…..nervous and wondering……

But not wandering.

I’m planted.  We fertilizing and tilling a new garden and I have no idea what will grow but all I know is right now, what I really need to say more than anything, to the person I deem especially special, is Thank You.  (see prior blog).  I honestly couldn’t think of a better person to share this sunny, rain dance with.

Yeah.  A fucking hand hold caused this blog…..

Now I want to write a poem about holding hands n shit. O.o   * sigh *  Please don’t let me sink.