No Matter What Happens
Please don't leave me.
This isn't a world made for life without us
as a duo
this isn't a life made for me
without you as my teammate
even when our arguments come from nowhere
and the silence seems never-ending
even when days blend into the nights
and the celebrations are minus one or the other
There is no dispute
no exception to the rule
i am less the woman i was created to be....
without the world presence
of my mother.
Please do not leave me.
********Death travels in three's.....and i've already hit the number 2 button....honestly, in the recent weeks, i began wondering if was to be the number three.....those thoughts shifted to wondering if i would have to deal with someone in my family, which there is no one left that would't cause me extreme hurt and pain....i've been heavily on my karma lately, both good and bad....i've been guilt ridden by some things and worried about other things....i've been so blessed and so rewarded that it makes me fear what the "down" will be, that i know will eventually come because what is an up without a down??? .......my mom and i have the worst relationship sometimes.....its every thing other than what it should be....sometimes, even though i refer to them as TheFiringSquad, i am so jealous of her and my grandmother, because they have the relationship i wish we had.....they talk, share, are there for each other, go to dr appts with each other, etc, etc.....me and my mom, are secret keepers.....bee keepers with stingers all over us from each other....i have not been the best of daughters....she has not been the friendliest of mothers.....but i don't think for a second our love for each other can be challenged....my mom has gone thru breast cancer and the trials and tribulations that come with it and after it for some years now and i was not apart of her recovery.....i was not even aware as to what was going on.....today i found out my mom went back to the hospital this morning.....she was there last night and i spoke to her.....i dont know what is wrong....it could be minor....it could be anything......but i hate hospitals....i fear hospitals and i know hospitals are where people often go for something tiny and leave out in a big ass hurst..... so i stay fearful the minute i find out a loved one is at one, esp in an emergency situation.......could it just be the flu ? Of course...it could be minor.....i have prayed...i have asked for prayer....and i don't doubt they will be answered....but i live sometimes in the harsh reality of truth as we know it: something that is NOT our friend......and truth is, according to MY beliefs, whenever our number is up, its up....no amount of prayer or promises or tears will stop the inevitable..........i will leave it right there because i do want to watch what i speak into existence....but.....my mom.....as much as we love to hate each other, this is just not a world i want to be in without her living and breathing in it with me. And i just needed to put that out there for the universe and God to be able to read. My mom.........needs and wants to be here.
Praying to God that this is all minor and will soon passover.