Fetal Watch

i can feel excitement running through my body like flares.....i lights me...inside out....i can't wait...overcome with desire to achieve completion.....what do i speak of ...

releasing my cd...my first, full length cd....something that has been just up in the air for quite some time and now the time has come and it couldnt have happened at a more appropriate time....
..getting to this point does not feel better than sex as some would say....maybe.....but...the build up to it could be easily compared to that of the hike towards orgasm.....veins are rattling...shaking....almost like an inner body quake....anticipation....
sweat.....unintentional nervousness....and when the moment finally arrives, aka my cd release party, it will be over so quick, only pics and strong memories will be the proof that it happened....

i am overcome with enthusiasm for my project.....last night i put two poems with two tracks i already had, and they just sounded soooo good.....i nearly cried....wow....i almost have to physically stop myself from calling up one of the studio's and going to record....i have to say to myself...
not yet nsay
its not time
see i have to maximize my studio time...i plan on doing as many poems as i can per hour....now i've recorded plenty of times before, i know i cold be very well working on one poem for one entire hour....but the more i rehearse, the better the odds, and the last two times i have recorded, it only took two tries.....so that gives me hope....im recording on a budget....i can't afford to record....
....but i can't afford
...not to record....LOL....sooo....anyway....the process has begun and what a process it is when you add in elements of desire, goals, hopes and conquests.....i want this cd to be one of the nicest spoken word cd's to come out ....not because of the accolades it would get me, though an award nomination is not too much of a stretch....
might as well reach for the top
....but moreso because, if you think the cd is dope, you'll share it with someone else.....and maybe they will share it...maybe someone will wanna buy it, or book me.....and if its one of the nicest ones, then it will get mutiple plays...i dont want it to be the cd you like, think is cool ...
and then sit to the side....
hey i have a few of those....i own ALOT of spoken word cds because if i have it, i try to support.....but there are only a few that have moved me to repeat play...and thats what i wanna do....i want my cd to be replayed so whatever the message is in that particular poem, it gets out....
you receive it....
you learn from it....experience it....i want the listener to be able to attach themselves to the speakers and listen to the biography of a life moment quite like one they remember be played out.....
i want to touch someone....i dont just say that for kicks.....when i first started this, i never expected it to be this great.....or to feel this good.....i had no expectations outside of spitting a poem at the open mic.....it has since become my life.....
when i dropped Say Something....it was rushed....it was done for the purpose of product...i'm not gonna lie....i had The Queens of Spoken Word show coming up, and i didnt want to be the only person without something to profit from, if even in the minor form.....it started out with the intention to be a whole cd, turned into a EP due to time constraint, then it was re-released with three extra poems, and has since gone on to be bootlegged by myself to include four more extra poems....some from a recording session i did that was also in a rush due to time constraints, some that i just got from FW cd's that i was included on....hell they were my poems...why not....
so i kind of "made" me up a whole cd so to speak.....and it is an honor that people have still found ways to love it and play it continously, but for a moment of honesty....i've never been one with that cd.....
i've never had the connection to it that i already have with this one coming up.....
.....i've always forgotten it, don't mention it at shows, don't push it much....don't carry it with me like a normal starving artist who is full time....we just don't connect....
me and my poems...
unconnected...
sounds like an unreal (lol).....idk....i like it....and i am damn proud of it....i put forth great effort to it....no regrets....it is as it should be....
but my connection to it has been lost from the beginning....which is what makes this process so lovable....i creating this cd on a daily basis....
i am learning directions, finding different pitches, tracks, tones, emotions....i am finding out how to move someone ...talk to someone....i am learning how to pick out a poem for a cd....asking myself why, as if interviewing myself....
"Self, why did you pick this poem?"....if there is no definite answer with a purpose, then that poem doesnt get picked....i dont want something that just sounds good....but i dont want to something that teaches to hard....i'm a poetic cross between Rihanna and Jill Scott....and i want that to be shown on my cd....
i want ME to come out of my cd, and i think that was the disconnect with me and Say Something, is it had no personality to me.....not to me....not me...
....i want ppl to get to the end of this cd and be just shy of mental orgasm (in case they are driving).....
so it has begun.
the process.
the process of completing my first full cd.....all me, done by me....i feel as though i am watching my lyrical fetus grow.....and the release party???? OMG.....something to be celebrated....i want this cd to have the purpose i say i prayed for.....and it will
...from the title change to poems that were once to be included, now lying in crucial conflict on the cutting room floor, i am on the verge of something great.....
something meaningful
something so powerful, even i won't believe that I did it....
i thank Him for choosing me.
i wouldnt have had it any other way.