6.25.2012

Empowerment on Heels....5" Aldo's to be Exact.



Saturday, I had the opportunity to speak at a Women’s Empowerment Event being held a church off 56th street.  I must say, I had absolutely no idea what to expect.  I knew it was at a church, which made me hesitant on my poem choices, of which I reworked and winded up printing something to read.  I walked out the door totally prepared to walk into a room full of Caucasian women, of which I would do a couple of brief poems for them and be on my way.  I had hoped to make some sort of an impression.  This is my thing.  Speaking at empowerment events, schools, etc. is what I want to do with my poetry outside of creating shows to utilize my work.  I want to be a respected author/writer, as well as a dope motivational speaker.  So I wanted to use my 25 minute time slot wisely.  I wanted to say a few things about myself and my struggles and relate that to being a survivor.  But churches intimidate me ....churches tend to live by the Sugar Coat Rules and don't like to hear about certain topics within their walls....so i was a lil extra nervous just because even though i knew it was at a church, it didnt really hit me until i was getting dressed ......i threw on my H&M dress that, according to my fb pics, i have worn every where and back, but in reality, i have only had on a handful of times....i was hoping to steer clear of cameras for that reason.....i tossed on my Aldo black heels that were a birthday gift from a special person that got the accidental shit treatment by me...smdh.....and hoped i dressed the part well....
Well, by the time I had arrived and walked in the door nervously, had no idea what I would say or how it would go.
to my surprise, I walked in and saw two things really quick: 

1. I had a friend there.  a great girlfriend of mine was also a vendor there. 
2.  It was 99% African American women of wide range of ages, with at least one table full of young pregnant women.  This was my type of crowd.  
I kind of expected an older crowd of women who were just there for the freebies, but it turned out that this mixed crowd was just what I needed. 
I was nervous before I got on stage.  I always am, but this was my first women’s empowerment event and like I said, I wanted to impress both in poetry and speaking.  I want this to be more than an every now and then type of affair.  I decided to just get up there and open up with “Check Me Out’’,  a poem I wrote for class some years ago that defines my proud-ness of being a black woman.  It went over GREAT.  Ended with a roar of applause and even people on their feet.  Mind you, this room looked a lil, dare I say, "bored”, before I got to the stage.  So it was my hope to liven this thing up a little bit.  And I succeeded.  I went on to talk about a few of my life’s experiences and about being a survivor of all things, then read the poem “Mustard Seed”.  I ended with “Bruised Muse in Heels” and I believe they were all pleased. 
As I walked away from the stage, more women were standing to join the applause as hands and arms opened to welcome me into strange bosoms.  It was wonderful.  I made a few connections, passed out a few ghetto business cards, i.e., my name and info on torn pieces of paper.  lol …what in the world did I do with my fancy business cards ???  I gathered up hugs,  thank you's, you're blessed and various other uplifting comments from these women, most of which had never heard of me before....oh and did i fail to mention, that there was one lady, who's name leaves me right this second, but i first saw her back in march at something i participated in at the State Museum and she walked up to me prior to me performing and said "i was really glad when i saw your name on here" !!!!! 
WHAT!? Where they do THIS at ??? That is what i am talking about!!!!  ...leaving lasting positive impressions that exceed how good of a writer i may or may not be....i've have long stated that i have no doubts in my literary abilities......i dont...i mean that...even on my most insecure day, i know i can write the hell out of ANYTHING i want to write...hell i wrote a DOPE article on a complete stranger based off a chopped and screwed telephone interview i conducted with him.  I made him and the magazine (?) proud.....idk how proud the mag is/was....they haven't invited me to write for them anymore but it wasn't paid so thanx for the pub and the experience....if one isn't interested in my FREE services, no problem...no hard feelings...i got a chance to exercise my writing abilities outside of blogging and writing poems, so i'm grateful nonetheless......point being, i'm not unaware of my capabilities.....but to touch ppl....to leave something in and on their mind that will be revisited....to uplift and empower the people of my community is not just my hope, it is my job....and when i realize i have done it to the most, i am elated.....so when this lady walked up and said that, it was as if she gave me the  God touch.....but she made me even more nervous at the same time...hoping not to disappoint kind of nervous. 
But i worked that event....i opened up with a bang, shot my nerves to the north pole and as i got halfway into Check Me Out, i remember hearing myself say "ok you got it now" and it was as if i were reminded that i no longer need the training wheels.  I got up there with poems in my heart, handpicked from the Creator who sent me there from the get go....

I pleased the people who put on the event enough that I think they might utilize me again in the near future, which is just what I wanted !!! I left proud. 
I knocked another notch off my poetic bucket list and hopefully, I can turn this into something bigger and greater.  I am a force to be reckoned with.  I had great reason to be excited. i have great reason to push forward....there will be hard days and days i question what the fuck is really going on....i was very disappointed in forgetting to submit for Oranje and i was even more blown aback by not being able to submit for The Art Council's $3500 Grant...... but you know what.....God gave me a street that belongs ONLY to me.....and i am to travel it until nothing is left but ash in the Atlantic (or the Hudson)...i am no one's second fiddle....i'm no one fucking hype girl, background dancer or little minion.....i am the People's Poet....the most unprofessional host in the world....one of Indy's DOPESET writer's PERIOD (yeah, i said all that shit and meant it), a woman of inspiration, dedication, love and a heart of mush....i am a writer...
an artist
a poet
....a photographing, event planning, kinda-graphic-designing fashionista who does all these things MY own ghetto/high class mixing way to the fullest extent of breaking the law! 

But above all else...i am a writer...
and even better, I am nobody’s accident. 
No matter how many times I think I am, I end up in a situation where I realize there is absolutely no way on God’s earth that, that could be true.  
I AM Empowerment on heels.  ....5" Aldo's to be exact.


2 comments:

  1. Such a beautiful thang when God handcarves your blessings :) so proud of everything you do! It is truly an honor... Well done :)

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  2. LOL!!! All I can do is smile...you keep the faith honey because the gift that God has given you is powerful and it is meant to expand the horizons for you and of those who listen...Love you!

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