it was funny when I was reading the 30 Days Later post because on there, I mention this past fridy’s Hard Truth show, but at the time I wrote it, I had absolutely NO IDEA what was in store or ahead for me. I didn’t know about Sunni Patterson or Georgia Me. I had few details and was just excited to be performing at IMA! I remember when I wrote it, I had this little voice in my head ask me was I even still apart of it because I hadn’t heard from Tasha about it in awhile. But I knew if anything changed Tasha would let me know, so I wasn’t worried. Heck, I was stoked!!! I spoke with Tasha shortly after writing this blog and my poetic spirit has been on the rise every since.
Friday started off on an extremely high note. I had taped a flyer to my desk and had one sticking out of my photo holder. I was receiving all kinds of love and energy from different people on Facebook; even some of my co-workers were giving me love. I left work floating, I arrived at home on a sunken ship. Over the previous weekend, my transmission finally went out. Can’t say I didn’t see it coming so I’m not surprised. But since I’m in nobody’s relationship and my mom is my neighbor, she puts on her mommy cape and takes me to and picks me up from scho- uh, work. But friday, of all days, of all times, she wanted to take the scenic route. And by scenic, I do mean visiting people!! We all live around each other; me and my mom are neighbors, my grandmother lives around the corner, my aunt (gmomma’s sis) stays next door to my gmomma and my dad lives two doors down from my aunt. I know. I’m the odd one out in this equation; I don’t belong over here, but another day, I digress.
so as we are driving up the street, she sees my dads car, stops and talks to him for awhile, then my gmomma pulls up and drive to her house. I know you are thinking why didn’t you just say “mom I gotta go.” To that I say, you would just need to know my family dynamics. The show started at 7. I got off at five. I usually get home at 530. I had an 1.5 hrs to get dressed, practice a few times because I was worried about my poem that I worked so hard on, and get out the door via …how? By the time I made it home, it was 6:15. To them, a show is a show is a show. I had 45 mins to do an hour and a half’s work. I didn’t make it out the door until about five after seven. Luckily I only live like a half a mile from IMA.
but I didn’t make it without grief. Once I got home, rushed in, irritaed, put the dogs out, grabbed my clothes, jewelry and shoes, jumped in the shower where I attempted to rehearse. suddenly, I no longer new a particular set of lines that I had known all week long!!! I kept messing up. I got out, tried not to worry, started getting dressed, doing hair and make up….see why I needed that hour plus?? I’m running around the house like a mad woman and my mind was too cluttered and I lost all that great energy I had owned since I awoke that morning. The lines were lost. I couldn’t help it. I burst out crying. I was disappointed in myself; couldn’t understand why my brain was attempting to set me up on stage when soooo many ppl would be there…..family, friends, fans, strangers, GEOGIA ME, SUNNI PATTERSON, people I want to book me, I mean the list went on and on. I was nervous and couldn’t remember my lines. I cried so much, my eyes turned red and after I put my make-up on, it looked like I had pink eye on both sides. it made more tears fall. I was stressing. And disappointed in me that I had even allowed it to get to me like this. How dare I get this close and act up like this.
….so….I had a drink*; I NEVER drink before a performance. I just want it to be totally me that you get. Drinking makes my nerves bad before getting on stage. it comes out in my performance. But I had to calm down a notch. so I had about the equivalent of a shot of Moscato. I’m embarrassed to admit it but, I needed to dial it back for real. it helped a little. I didn’t rehearse anymore. My ride came, dropped me off at the door and I walked in. But what I walked in on, made it worse.
TBA *since clearly this is still too damn long
jY
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