Eskenazi

Well the day I have secretly been hoping would come, actually came : )


I perform at Eskenazi Hospital, as a part of the artists who were commissioned for work there, on July 29th. I don't know what time as of yet, but this is great news.

Better this great,


This is awesome....this is the completion of THEE biggest contract via poetry of my life...so far ;)

Good day Silencers

Its been a minute.....

I have a lot of blogs now...

and a lot of places to spazz out and vent....i am currently OFF the Facebook circuit indefinitely.....i can't handle that abundance of opinions anymore....its like if you disagree with folks on fb, you are the anti-Christ....i watched so many ppl become annoyingly upset about the breast feeding debate....folks who were opposed were angry at folks doing it....mothers who were for it were angry at ppl who were against it.....

and then there was ole middle ground ass JY.....i don't oppose or support.....i mean, i guess i support it...i know i don't oppose it....i'm just ....there. I don't have kids.....and i could go into the 'if i did have kids' tyrant, but the fact is that i don't and if i know one thing for sure, that is we can say what we WOULD do IF so and so happened, but that does not make it LAW.......so, i will bypass that and simply say, in a forum where my opinion IS what counts the most (and there are no readers since i don't post the links to this and Queen, my avid no link necessary reader is gone), i can say this:

As a woman without children, it makes me lose some of my comfort when breastfeeding occurs in front of me.....i ain't gonna say anything....i'm not gonna request it end or anything, but to auto assume that I am or SHOULD be comfortable when breastfeeding happens is unjust...i'm not a parent, so i don't share that same mentality and if i were, it might would change (or it might not), but for what its worth, i RESPECT what is happening and adjust my lack of comfort to the situation......it doesnt put me in such a space that i can't operate functionally any longer until its over....its just makes me 'lose some of my comfort"......its called a COMFORT ZONE  for a reason:  "because it is what we are used to".....

I don't even have children/babies in my regular life, so its not something that i am accustomed to being around or being privy to, therefore, when it happens, if it happens while i am around, why should it be EXPECTED that i am ok???? Not that ME is the most important factor in that moment......and that is what began my descent from the facebook world.....

It seemed as though sharing my opinion on that would have gotten me banned from the cool girls circle, which i never asked to be apart of in the first place and cannot confirm that i AM apart of today....however, the idea of profiled people coming at me with cyber pitchforks because i have differing opinion made me sick to my stomach......as someone who has become increasingly OPEN about my opinion, it made me shut the fuck up and while i wasn't cowered over in the corner, i wanted to speak up for those who might feel like me, without getting 100 moms all over my comment section, all capping me about what the problem was....so i said nothing. And that pissed me off....because i felt like i SHOULDNT say anything......

Which is the problem....i SHOULD...i should be able to have an opinion that isn't the same as yours and we should both be able to be PASSIONATE about it.....without arguing.....i'm an accomodater tho....so i understand that my breakdown often occurs at me trying to make sure comfort is experienced around me as much as possible.....hmmm...i should blog about it on the Recorder site and show how bold i really am....but i don't want to deal with that....idk, perhaps i will...also, ACCOMODATER is NOT a word. BTW.....

Anyway....from there went the jailed mugshot dude, of which i felt like the pitchfork team was gearing up to come after me about him because i disagreed with new found celebrity......but i digress....its not that disagreeing that pushed me....its the PRIVILEGE that too many ppl are finding along the mean streets of facebook and that is that THEIR opinion takes precedence over ALL things......and that simply is not the truth.....none of our opinions are better than the other.....the only better thing is the TRUTH and in some alleyways, there is NO truth to be had; there is simply opinions......

So i bailed...because i am over my neck in people's opinions and their defense and subsequent cyber crucifixion of other opinions...yeah, that IS going to be a blog.  Seriously......

i came to say something completely different than what i am saying...i can't quite remember what that was because i apparently just went on a long tangent, so i digress,

step back
and i feel like writing....so i shall. :)  I MISS YOU QUEEN. <3 nbsp="" p="">

* shrugs *

.........................Oh life, how i love thee ....

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings................

A free bird leaps

on the back of the wind   

and floats downstream   

till the current ends

and dips his wing

in the orange sun rays

and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks

down his narrow cage

can seldom see through

his bars of rage

his wings are clipped and   

his feet are tied

so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings   

with a fearful trill   

of things unknown   

but longed for still   

and his tune is heard   

on the distant hill   

for the caged bird   

sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze

and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees

and the fat worms waiting on a dawn bright lawn

and he names the sky his own

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams   

his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream   

his wings are clipped and his feet are tied   

so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings   

with a fearful trill   

of things unknown   

but longed for still   

and his tune is heard   

on the distant hill   

for the caged bird   

sings of freedom.

~MayaAngelou

#RIH <3 nbsp="">

#Untitled

Oh to be loved.

Sometimes I wonder if this isn’t a myth in my life.  I wonder if there is really a person somewhere out there, awaiting the moment he will finally find me. He’s supposed to find ME right?

Often, I find myself grooving to the beautiful sounds  of love from the writings and recordings of singers, who according to top hits and underground language, always manage to showcase the feeling of love and being loved so eloquently in bars of sixteens.  One of my favorite songs right now is Beyonce (yes Beyonce…unlike lots, I’m neither apart of her cult of followers or haters), “XO”.  I think the composition of the music screams love. A fun, fluid love that is full of motions. 

I listen to this song and wonder if that will ever be true for me.

Most times,

My internal answer is no.  If we create our reality, then it is quite possible that my subconscious has chased away the love of my life because I do NOT believe that he exists. I KNOW for fact that he is no where near the state lines of Indiana.  I’ve given up on every.single.man. in this city and truthfully speaking, not a single one of them has an opportunity with me.  I don’t even mean that like “I’m THAT girl and every man should be broken because  he stands no chance with the likes of me”; I’m not the shit like that. I’m a woman full of mistakes, a past, a following, a lot of confusion and emotions. I have flaws as much as the next person and I still believe that I am a good woman.  But to say that I am even WILLING to date or entertain any of these dudes in this city would be telling a lie to myself first. I will not give my number, body, emotions, time or otherwise any other part of me to any one in this city. I don’t need that shit.

Nor do I want it.

I want to just …..move.  

Q.

Queen.

You were the type of friend that embodied every part of me that you adored and never wavered, even when I encouraged you to.

You read every blog. EVERY blog, no matter the level of importance to me, you read. You read my main blogs, my side blogs, my start up blogs, and my unfinished blogs.  You attended shows….you came over before shows to upwind with me and then after shows (if you could make it) to unwind.  We had so many parties of two, that I don’t know who I am supposed to do this with now. 

So I concede to do it with no one.

I appreciate everyone in my life.

But right now, in this moment, as I listen to this song by Kelis (Runnin), I am realizing that you are gone. Most days, I pretend mentally/subconsciously that you are a phone call away.  But you aren’t. And every time I post a blog here, and it has ZERO views because I didn’t attach a link to fb, I am reminded that you are gone.

Usually, I would always see ONE person had read it. It never says who, it just does a number count. I always knew it was you.  Never confirmed it.  Now I have.

….the worst part of death is I don’t know if I will EVER see you again, or if I do, if you will even remember it was me.  

PiFrequency

When is the last time you saw a SUPERNOVA burst open and spray the environment with a type of energy that can only be witnessed and experienced ????

Well if never before,
allow me to introduce to you my sisterfriend, my homegirl, my ace in vegas, my friend, NAZ KHALID!!! If you ain't know before now, well, just click play and then, SHARE!!!! LETS GO VIRAL WITH SUBSTANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Without further a due...#PIFREQUENCY #directedbyjace Produced by DJ Lou Bey


http://nazkhalid.com/pifrequency/