Remnants
of the Left Behinds.
Where you were when the pills were swallowed
Or who you laughed with at the same moment the body dropped
Or do you just keep it moving
Grooving to your own tunes that you stay engulfed in …exiting only
for a brief breathe of fresh air and to see what all is stirring in the life
pot…..
See out here
In the real world
We live to die
Dying to live because it the easy thing to do
Wishing we could take back the take backs and start over on right
tracks but too lost to get back to where we once were, so we become suicidal
thoughts acted out without the theater…
Conflicting resolutions in search of the truth
Waning optimism because no one seems to be there, ever
Everyone is somewhere else when the first set of pills goes down
We don’t always wanna pay somebody to be around, so let the left
behinds get some counseling for their grief instead…
Someone will be laughing when the gun blast sound reverberates
across brown temples
Rich men falling limp on beds
Poor girls, legs spread, tired of giving her vagina to the world but
doesn’t know any other way to be loved, so she does what she does best
Swallows
Only this time it ain’t semen
We are the needy….people shun at us and call us demons…..
Banish us to Hell’s kitchen for sample of the cookies
Often laughed at, looked for inside of caskets and cried over after
facts
Take that take that,
We sound like Diddy as we
raise the first foot to jump off the ledge
No longer caring about the left behinds, we move forward into
darkening lights
Knowing our good fight is about to end by our own accord,
Honda feet pushing the peddles to the floor, we can’t sit idle
anymore and wait for the suicidal hotline to be free
Busy signals on everyone MUST mean no one cares about me
So we flee crime scenes and
into death pits
Don’t try to catch us once we fall
Late registration only applies for college
We ain’t teachers or classes
We classed out citizens
Children who are on the ass out side of buddy system
Bullies stealing our innocence and purchasing lunch with our
smile-tickets
So we hide in closets until swinging bodies make scratching sounds
on walls
Mama finds us heartbroken and stiff
Ain’t too many strong people on this side
We deviate from the program long enough to close the book
Fuck chapters
We done writing
Done writhing
Done trying and crying in steam rooms where no one can feel our pain
So when this bullet hits thy
temple, know it was not an act done in vain
Rather it was a sane performance of wanting to get back at people
Of needing to be placed in the steeple a final time, no chance for
anyone to unwind and take back their personal neglect….
DON’T TOUCH THIS ROPE AROUND MY NECK unless you are cutting me down…
People laugh at us
We the suicidal
A long white bus with devil horns, no longer caring whether up or
down is our final destination
All we know is this place of desensitization is not full of enough
green pastures to tame us therefore we MUST be beasts….
Done trying to convince ourselves that we belong here
Our lives were formed from the blooper reel that one time our
parents had neglectful sex
Whats next but to buried….
You thought we were joking when we said the pain is unbearable…
Oh that’s right….
Black people don’t commit
suicide, they just seek attention…
That’s what we hear
So where were you
When the gun blast went off……
Eating at the dinner table????
Putting your children to sleep….praying over their christened bodies
that they would dream of candy rain and wonderland wishes, while dishes crash
cause sliced wrists can’t hold the towel anymore……
Where were you
when broken bodies touched floors in search of peace
Self eviction from life
This is what WE call going under the knife!!!
We live to die
And we are dying to live because dying is the easiest thing we learned
to do
Where were you
When the pills went down esophagus’ that would have rather been
pushing lonely water thru to our bellies
Too many thoughts of rigor mortis in dark rooms that are tinted with
painted sunshine make us think this is the best choice we will ever
make….
Nothing is bright enough anymore…
.life was a complete mistake…
We crash into death like a collision course runway walk
Call us road kill models
We are conduits
Who will you believe
What you wish were true
or your lying eyes
The next time you hear
Black people don’t commit suicide
Just ask the dead body what time it fell and see wont you fail to
reap a response
We were reaper keepers
Making hardcore decisions that can’t be undone
The unthinkable is right in front of your house
Reaching out by word of mouth but saying so little in front of faces
Watch for the signs
We are dying at young ages by the dozens
Meeting familiar faces and kissing older cousins who have driven the
same route
Stop trying to figure us out and help us get in!!!!!
Unless you prefer when our spirits beg the answer to the question of
where have YOU been??/
What were YOU doing when the bullet blacked out the future?
Where were you off to when the pills coagulated into a poison inside
stomach muscles
We swallow milk to keep from vomiting ourselves back to life
Back to inhale, exhale, [heartbeat un retired]
We got instructions so it won’t backfire
Knife slices wrist
Hand wraps noose
Fingers clench triggers
Throat pushes pills
Golden gates can be jumped beyond…
and
Everything
turns
blue
as the blood cradles our
backs
Then it goes white
Then….
…………………..
We
fade to black ….people don’t commit suicide..
the ride is over.
Where were you.
Before now?
