Since i posted the last journal, several things have taken place.....the monkey on my back finally got his eviction notice....he has moved and been replaced by a more "normal" monkey....you know the kind that worry about bills, getting a job, sinking as opposed to swimming....and that sorta thing....
anyway..i'm just going to post this freewrite that i wrote a few nights ago after a meeting with someone important ...keeping in mind this is of no surprise to that person...they read this LONG before you will have.....i am only posting it because i want it to be known that i am not a nonforgiving person....and i accept fault when i am supposed to.....and i move on when i am supposed to....and something i realized...in the process of packing for this new journey....it wouldnt be as fun without the people i have come to know and love.....and with turmoil circuling some of my main relationships, the only way i can carefully make sure that i am making the right steps, is to clear my head so i can focus on the steps i'm making.....so in clearing my head, i cleared the air, the water and the bullshit off the table....i learned that the peace i was searching for in this situation would only be found thru my love.....while i can't undo the decisions and i still stand by them, i'd rather stand by my decisions next to my friend, rather than stand by my decisions and wonder if my friend misses me as much as i miss them!!! Geeez...life...friendships....its all crazy as hell....but thats what pens and paper are for!
he knows i love him.
peace ya'll....i'll be posting something more journey-related tomorrow...in a rush today....
FREEWRITE 4 ALLEN 9/20/2009 6:36:27 PM
u lay in the basket of flowers on my table
sit on my couch without my authorization
inside of secret times when I’m by myself
nothing to hide
no front to put up
I cried
Like it were the last time tears would be granted access to paint white streaks down my cheeks
I miss you in seconds that last longer than hours
So I run to you
Open armed
Unarmed
White flagging a trail back to the beginning
Digging holes in the ground trying to uncover where we parted pages
Stages just don’t shine the same when you’re across town
Meetings don’t go as easy when you’re not around
We had purpose
And perhaps we served it
But we made friendship like lovers make love
Slow
Nice….
Easy…..
Cut our laughter’s orgasm short with arguments
But I stand at reconcile’s door knocking
Opportunity
I’m tiptoeing up the skirt of Ms. Flirt, trying to get a peek of the future
Will she birth the rebirth of our bond
Strong like steel panels that hold tight thru cyclones
You’re irreplaceable
A statue that someone stole from my front yard
I seek no replacement
I look at the hollowed out remains of where you stood and feel nauseous
Caution
I’m about to cry again
Losing a friend is like losing the limb you write with
Relearning what you already knew how to do is frustrating….
But the reward paints proud across your eyes
I closed my eyes and took to the skies inside of the words we fought with
Without armor
Guns blazing, cover me I’m going in….
Searching the burning building for my friend because he’s missing
Me
And I’m missing
Him.
So we
Agree …..to move forward thru this life backwards at a slow speed, high rate
Some things just don’t make sense
But fate only lies, when its waiting
I’m shaking the blood off of my heart and the crust from my face
You have a place
Inside my heart
My mind
And my life
More than a brother
Less than a lover
A perfect imperfection that compliments the smiles I try to wear
Missing you is like waiting on sunshine to break 30 days of night
Sometimes we need people in our life
In order to make it fun
The war is over
and because we are just too irreplaceable…
I guess friendship has won!!!
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