Turning Tables, Kicked Chairs & Love in 2012

 

My oh my

how the table has changed

chairs once thought to be permanently occupied have made a bee line to not only being kicked away, but tossed out with the rest of Wednesday’s garbage….

oh what tangled webs we weave……………..

my mom recently told me “all my friends leave me”……now, I am not quite sure what she meant by saying this, but I know how I interpreted….and in addition to that, I know for a fact, better than anyone, how many quote/unquote “friends”, have come and gone….

…as well as who’s decision it has been…..

in my life, people have consistently come and gone….I’ve always searched for something…..something in someone and I’ve never really been sure, until this year, what it was I was searching for inside of people…..but it was something that I was missing….and needing….and yearning….deeply…..so inherently that I couldn’t even see that the desire was as strong as it really was……

it turned out to be as simple as “love”….

I’ve been looking for love….and not in any pre-determined fashion….not in a certain type of relationship; just love….just unadulterated and pure love….respectful love….and in search of it, I have gone thru quite a few relationships, some failures and lessons learned, some regretful and some beautiful…..all have become the genetics that make up the woman that I am on this day….

33 years ago today, I was a fetus preparing for the final descent and the last days inside of my mother’s womb. …..10 years ago today, I had a tiny fetus growing within my boundaries and had recently ditched the father…..I was also a stripper, at the time at Pure Passion……today, as I type this blog and try to get ready for Christmas dinner with my mom, who up until last night, I had not verbally spoke with since the day before Thanksgiving, I am a successful writer, performing poet and host……I almost put ‘mildy’ in front of successful, but this year, I have learned that I no longer have to “define” what my successes are to people….

I know longer have to downplay, what to me, is a great accomplishment….I own my own vision board and how dare I operate off of anyone else’s ……but I digress….

today…..even though I live with the plethora of bad decisions, false loves, failed friendships and broken love patterns of yesterdays, I stand before this laptop unapologetically proud of who I am and how far I have come…..

but do people leave me ??? I don’t really think so….I think I get tired of accepting love, in teaspoon form, from the any bodies of the world that are willing to give me an eighth in return for a whole….I have accepted strange love….wrong love….abusive love….partial love…..fake and faux love….

and this year……I got tired of it …..

I grew up on shaky love grounds…..friendships formed didn’t last because of things I was doing and not being held accountable for….I had to literally grow myself into who I am  today….which is why I do not stand before anyone, better than thou, because I know all I have been…..I know all I have done and the things I’ve had a hand in……and again, I know I am a success story…..

but I also know I have waited and baited love….taken what ever I could get in the name of saying I had a slice of the love pie……I have had two girlfriends…..and my sexuality has never required defining…..I love men……having experienced the trials of girlfriends, I’ve always known that was something I could not deal with…period. …..but men…..men and I, are a lot like Love…..I look to them to give me that love…..well I used to….. * shrug  *  I learned the hard way a thousand times…my girlfriends, were my friends…..they were two women that I genuinely “loved” in the natural sense…..I really believed in US, but not the gf/gf us…just the friendship……one of the ladies really hurt me …..in a friendship way……

and we were never the same……I think I hurt the other girl….in a girlfriend way….and our friendship was never the same…..it was nothing high profile…it was my personal business….but I share this with you because this year, it seems as though my sexuality has become a platform for private discussions…..I tell you, you’re nobody till somebody kills you, but while you alive, you’re all they want to talk about….lol…. but back to love….

…I had an affair when I was 20/21….a long affair….nothing like TV…..I never reaped a benefit bigger than his dick, but I think somewhere in that selfish relationship we were pretending to be in, we both had real feelings for each other…I believe we “believed” we were in love….but what did that lead to ??? Nothing but a shitload of Karma Pie Eating on my part…..my love life was fucked up for the remainder of my twenties after that…..

 

anyway…..friendship is something that I have longed for almost as much as love…I didn’t necessary want to be either of the women’s girlfriends….but I did want their friendship….for no real reason other than it as sorta being offered…..I don’t know why (or maybe I do) my life long chase has been love, friendship and boys but that is the story of my life…..I have probably been to easy to befriend people and open up my home and/or my life to them….and in this chase, I have loved and let go of a lot of all the above….except the love…

I became a faux-stepmom for a few years of my life….to a little girl that needed SOMEBODY….I came across pictures of us….pictures of an event at the Walker held due in part to her honor…..I thought about her….I still miss her and love her so much that I had to completely close off the part of me that exists to love her….her name is Jasmine….and she just turned 17……his name was Randy….and he was the love I never saw coming that gave me a helluva ride thru hell and back….and still, as he sits in prison for the rest of his life for charges unrelated to me (thank God), I still accept his calls….when he calls.

the love never leaves….

I have experienced the breakdown of friendships….the heartbreak of relationships gone awry…..the suffering of Love not being what I wanted and/or needed it to be…..and today….I stand before this laptop, a success story…

still….after a lifetime of fast time and accidental clinging, I finally perfected the art of letting go…..not to a T, but …..much better than before…..I let go this year…. a lot….mostly because I am exhausted….I’m tired of questioning whether or not I have the right to feel fucked up when folks do fucked up shit…..whenever I do something, I’m called out on it….as being fucked up…..but when I’m the observer and reaper, I usually remain mum…..I’ve learned this year to count people out when they are out….its ok…..it doesn’t matter if you are related to them or not….or how many years you’ve known each other…or what your history is….letting go is apart of growing up, healing and many other healthy emotions…..so I loosened my grip….

I kicked chairs away…..

I walked away…..I stopped accepting what I didn’t want in the name of Love….both mentally and physically….emotionally….

from some of it, came better results but from most came nothing……sometimes it the “nothing” that hurts the most….but this year….I am a success story….

because whatever the most is, I am ready for…..having a “nothing” response, used to lead me back just to erase that ill-feeling of “so I don’t even matter”…..but today, I know I do matter…..just enough for myself…

I have allowed too much, I have been blamed  too much, I have been quiet more than I wanted to….I have not followed my instincts or done what I wanted to do in the name of being a good person….or in the name of Love….or somehow “respect” …but today, as I sit in my house which is in the center of my life’s personal fuckin Matrix War Zone, I realize that I am being challenged to grow….to confront the whatevers of life….to be constantly reminded that no matter what happens, or where life places you, you have to live with and within the results of your actions….you have to live with your choices and decisions…..

your chess moves are yours to deal with….today I will see and talk to my mom for the first time in over 30 days….I will be inside of her house for the first time since ….idk spring ? I am REALLY uncomfortable in there, but that’s another story….I live next door to her…

ten years ago today…..I was a pregnant, sick and angry young woman with a broken heart…..I was battling love….I was living with unconditional and had just removed the conditions…..when I kicked him out, he tried everything to get back in….

ten years later, I live across the street from him, his wife and their broad…… the latter was probably childish to say as such 0_o …I have been caught up in car ménage trois with them that have left me virtually shaking in confusion….what I am I feeling and why ??? Its not about wanting him….its not that…its something else…..its …..anger. 

I still have a lot of “something” there…..and I need to dump it before years end….maybe all this filler flower dumping has been leading up to me letting the last of this go…..but that’s another story, another book….

I am  success……

and I don’t need or really want anyone else to validate that for me…..I validate my own successful tickets….I know what I overcome, what I beat out, what odds I make it against….I know what I’m trying to do and how that’s working for me so far….I know who I am….who I want to be and who I am dying to become….my soul and spirit are very rich…..plentiful….I have memories that can’t be changed….good times that I still roll on and laughter that lives within my home that given the right moment, I remember how dope it was….

the table has changed…..but it always does…not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever….we meet people, we love people and people move on….

people have moved on…..lives have been touched for the  time they were supposed to kindle together…..we have shared tea, traded war stories and got the best of inside jokes…..I will always remember us during moments where no one else would get it……we’ve moved on…..

no mom, my friends don’t “leave me”. ….

I think we just don’t stop growing….and sometimes, it leads us in different directions…..

may the rumors continue, the stories get bigger and the back stabbing stop hurting…..for that is the way of the world…

.but for those who I am no longer in direct contact with, may this blog reach the layers of your heart that share the same sentiments….both family and friends…..we have shared great times…..

and I will never forget them….cheers to having met….cheers to the times we shared tables…..

and cheers to 2012….for we all know it was time for me to stop allowing love to trample all over me just because I want it so……so I did……

I am successful at that, if nothing else in the world. 

0_o Part 1 of idk how many…..

 

How far will I go to be in New York City??

 

Let me start by saying I HATE buses.  I once road the Greyhound all the way to New Orleans.  The 24 hour ride was so brutal that we caught a ride back home.  I hate buses.  It’s a means to travel that is BOTTOM on my list of ways to get around.  The last time I road the Metro in Indy (not including Super bowl) was in 1999, of which my bus driver pulled us over, got off the bus and left after arguing with many of the passengers.  It was the East 39 bus, it was packed seat to seat and it was 90+ degrees out.  It took us a minute to realize he was GONE !! I lived all the way out East so while some people got off the HOT bus, I didn’t really know what to do but wait.  I vowed away from those then.  With that said……

 

I have to be honest.

I’m a google whore.  If I have a question that needs answering, some quick math I need calculated, words translated and of course, research done, I turn to google.  I don’t believe everything I read and I look for credible sources in whatever I do believe, but google and I have an outstanding relationship of trust and respect.  So when my Saturday show that was supposed to fund the first half of my trip got cancelled and flying was no longer an option, I googled “china bus”; the bus line that my fellow vacationers were traveling by.  I had never heard of it and couldn’t help but want to know more about it and when I googled it, several stories popped up.  None of which were good.  According to many reports, a several East Coast bus lines were raided and shut down for bad buses, lack of licenses and other things involving safety, endangerment of passengers and the like.  China bus was one of them.

I had a dilemma.

Should I call Too Black and tell him my findings OR should I buy my fifty dollar one way ticket, try to fly back and hope for the best?  My cancelled show threw a big monkey wrench in my plans financially, so this was really my only viable option.  I bought the ticket and disregarded what I read. 

Cut to Dayton, OH. 

After spending a couple of hours walking aimlessly around Target, aka the bus stop, we were forced outside about 45 minutes early due to two factors:

Target closed

The bus was REALLY late. 0_o

So there we were, standing at Too Blacks car.  Me, him, the guy taking care of his car in Dayton, Theon & Simone.  Four blacks and one Puerto Rican. ……..

…….so as the cops were taking our ID and we told them why we were standing there in the dark-ish parking lot, they begin to chuckle snidely at the China Bus.  The pot bellied pig with the brown semi curly hair and the forty something year old mustache proceeded to tell us they had been cited for human trafficking.  That we needed to be careful because the buses were essentially breaking the law by even operating; but that they WOULD be there to pick us up, which was something I had begun to worry about.  What further troubled me was that I knew at least part of what he was saying was true.  Again I faced a dilemma.

Should I tell the gang that this officer, while a perfect asshole, was telling the truth and I had read it with my own eyes, sans the trafficking OR ….do I stay silent and we keep waiting.  How else would we get there and what we were to do at this point?  We had an obligation to be there Monday night.

Moments later and after our IDs were fit back into our wallets, warrant free (0_o) and the cops were well on their way back to the donut shop from which they rose from, a bus pulled up.  It was here.  Big white bus, not too many people on it….it LOOKED safe.  * shrug *

And then there was that other problem.  Only two of us had tickets for that bus.  The other two, I being one of them of course, had bought tickets for the bus leaving at 1030.  This was the 10pm bus, although it was 1025 when it got there.. 0_o .  The driver didn’t speak English at all; he was a simple little Chinese man who looked at our confirmation numbers, made a mark on something and tossed the luggage into the area like ragdolls.  Too Black & Simone got on the bus and left; Theon and I walked off to our stop, which was not at Target btw.  It was at the Sake shop down the way.  Same parking lot though.  We started walking and my poor mind was racing as to what I had got myself into and just how far I would go to be with New York.  We got halfway across the lot when our bus rolled in.  We ran over to it, boarded it and saw a bus full of people.  Separate seats.  No window seat.  Theon went to the back and I parked someone near the middle.  And for the next 13 hours, me and my pillow that was supposed to be laying against the window, sat straight up and slept 0_o

…..the bus made about two or three stops.  I would open my eyes and see it was still dark, then rush to close them again.  Our arrival was 9 am.  Sunshine.  As long as there was darkness, I should be sleep was my thought process.  It was freezing outside and on the bus.  My neck was cramped, the man in front of me felt the need to keep trying to lean back and there was zero leg room.  The bus ride was rough.  Our bus had some kind of ongoing noise that sounded like the lines on the side of the highway that are meant to wake sleeping drivers.  For a while I thought we were driving on those lines.  then I figured out it was the bus . 0_o  

I did sleep for the whole trip with the exception of a few hours.  But it was not a sound sleep, mind you I was sitting up. And the bus driver had to have been pushing 90 the entire way there.  He bent the corners in Pennsylvania as thought it was the Indy 500.  It was nerve wrecking.  No one on the bus seemed to speak English and most of them were Chinese.  Our drop-off was in Chinatown, so that wasn’t alarming, but I couldn’t help but think briefly from time to time about the trafficking.  My phone was dead.  This was a toughie. 

And I withstood it.

Some thirteen hours later, I woke up….

in Chinatown. 

00jYOnAssignment: Kools Bazaar Gala Review

The New Big Band

It was a black tie night of cute dresses and fancy tailored suits.  The sun had just began setting against the backdrop of Westside Indianapolis and left a crystal shine on the JW Marriot Hotel, where the 2012 Uptown Saturday Night Inspired 100 Black Men Gala & Awards Dinner was being held.  The age range settled with a predominance of 45+ but it was easy to spot a few twenty and thirty somethings enjoying the dim lighting and awaiting the mock casino that would cap off the night's event.  The stunning decor helped us travel back into a time where clubs like The Savoy were heavily frequented.  Before long, the circular tables with the expensive chinaware were full of people eager to hear speeches from the night's honorees and indulge in the culinary magic served in three courses. This type of gala perfection could have only been completed with music full of high voltage drums, horns and sporadic keys that were reminiscent of the Harlem Renaissance.  

~ Enter Kool’s Bazaar ~

Back in the 1920's and especially during the Harlem Renaissance, Big Band Music was gradually evolving into the rebirth of the already popular jazz music.  These "big bands" consisted of 12 or so members (usually 5-6 on brass, 3-4 on reed instruments and 4 rhythm musicians) and became widely popular due in part to the dancing public that would frequent Harlem hotspots like  The Savoy and dance the night away to the sounds from groups such as the Jenkins Orphanage Band and the Bennie Goodman Orchestra.  

 

 Fast forward to that September night of the gala and local band extraordinaire, Kool’s Bazaar.  They emerged from their respective suites and entered the stage with ease and confidence.  It was as if each person clenched a tiny piece of the renaissance in their palms. In addition to the four members that comprise KB, they added six additional musical contributors creating a modernized Big Band with a neo-hip-hop flair.  8 musicians, 2 singers and 1 hip hop emcee conjured Old Harlem’s spirits from left to right of the Marriot’s ballroom.  Dressed in their signature colors red and black, from the moment they started playing, anyone within earshot of them could easily tell they weren’t listening to just any average band.  This was not a group thrown together over loosely rolled joints in the back of a cluttered garage.  This was a union of musicians who came ready to entertain, empower and embody [the theme] the way true professionals do.  These are keen spirits aligned not by happenstance, but rather by design.   

There were three sets.  The first one, which began as the people were still filing in from the lobby, was very big band inspired.  There were two trumpet players and two saxophone players.  The mixture of brass horns & reed saxophones created the type of harmony that deserved a quick step of the Lindy Hop or at the very least, a Charleston showdown.  And while a dance-off never happened, a thoroughly entertaining back and forth of these particular instruments picked up the slack.  The melodies were up-tempo and the vocals were tenacious. Althought there were a couple of technical difficulties with teh sound, as they say, the band played on. Naz Khalid was the lead songstress/poet with Ashlee Baskin on secondary vocals.  Both women’s voices were impeccable contrasts and compliments of each other. Naz owns a peaceful bluesy sound that feels as if it originated from the pains and loves of Lenox Avenue, while Baskin's voice was like the perfect flutter of butterfly bravado.   The band’s rendition of “Strange Fruit,” made famous by jazz legend Billie Holiday (who Khalid’s voice has often been compared to), pulled the attendees away from their programs and private conversations and brought them into the cultural world of Kool’s Bazaar.

Big band music had a knack for bringing people together regardless of race, class or creed.  The love of dance and the urge to do so when these bands would play transcended the racism and hard times of the 1920's and 30's.  Although a lot of the music was pre-arranged, the room for improvisation is what set them apart from the average jazz band. 

 By the time the second set ended and the third set began, KB had shifted into their complete comfort zone.  Hip hop artist/emcee (and frequent Kool’s Bazaar collaborator) Tony Styxx joined them onstage to help bring the energy in the room to a new plateau. Whether it was age or awe that kept people from giving in and cutting loose on the dance floor, the music in the room definitely called for and was worthy of it. Each artist was given a fair chance to flourish under the stage lights. The audience was treated to a vast array of sounds and genres; even poetry made a guest appearance. KB crossed boundaries and generations in three single leaps. As the night came to a close and the people began to pile into the blackjack tables, the new millennium “big band” ended on a friendly, upbeat and bittersweet note. Throughout the night, they had successfully fused original work with a few covers and their final number, a rendition of classic hip hop song “The Rising” by The Roots, was a sublime crescendo in both performance and lyrical content.  After all, they are the breath of fresh musical air the world and on this night, the gala had been waiting on. 

It was indeed a black tie event of glamour, dessert served in martini glasses and profound guest speakers.  But ask anyone within earshot and they will surely tell you; the night belonged to the entertainment, Kool's Bazaar.  And they did it all with just the right amount of Uptown Saturday Night flavor ! 

 
 

 ~jY

Kool’s Bazaar is as follows:

Nazeeha Khalid: lead vocalist/poet/emcee/songwriter

Richard Trotman: keyboardist/band director/ composer

Jesse Thomson: Bassist

Joe Elliot: drummer

Musical collaborators:

Ashlee Baskin: Secondary Vocalist

Ronald Craig aka Tony Styxx: emcee

Brandon Crawford: Aux Keys

Jefri Payne: Trumpet

Joel Auxier: Trumpet

Jared Thompson : Sax

Lamont Webb: Sax

3 days to liftoff.

800 Plus miles away from the Indiana state lines…..

6 days with my beloved, HOMETOWN GLORY

3 opportunities to share my poetry and 1 opportunity to meet my new NYC Street Poet family

$0 in the account right now

Plenty of stress as to how to pull it all off

But.

3 days

Until

Liftoff

Vacation

Tourism

Big apple

Times Square

Brooklyn Bridge

GW Bridge

Trash, rats, People everywhere

3 days

Until

I finally experience what my soul has been MISSING the entire  last 2 years. …

New York City.

jY’s Hit or Miss List 2012

 

Its been so long since I blogged about my life as a poet girl right ??!!!! Well forgive me for being gone for so long.  I am in charge, as in HWIC, of so much, that this blog sorta took a back seat by accident. But this blog is so necessary.  Its where I come share my experiences with my fans and loved ones AND its where I leave the boundaries outside the room.  I might capitalize the first word of every sentence, but  I might stop doing that midway thru the blog.   I might speak with three dots at the end of sentences, I might use acronyms.  And at this point of my life and career, where I am training myself on using more “disciplined” writing, I must say it feels good to come over here. But that is not why I started blogging.  I have been so blessed in the last couple of months, and in having conversations with associates and friends, of which we’ve discussed the ups and downs of 2012, I realized that I needed to write a hit or miss list.  I needed to chronicle for not only your eyes, but my remembrance the good and bad of the year because the truth is, I’ve had a lot of bad.  And what I have learned from it and its preceding “bad” years, is there will ALWAYS be bad AND, it might outweigh the good in number count.  But does that make the good lack the ability to outweigh the bad in weight? No it does not.  This has been a BEAUTIFUL year for me.  And its time for me to start saying that more. ….what the heck is a bad year???

I have that answer…..a bad year is the year you die unexpectedly, before your time and are no longer here to be able to enjoy and work you way thru and around life.  I have survived 2012….at least up until now…..that is reason enough that it has been a great year.

So lets go. ….hits ….misses…and the unbelievable presence of love.

 

Misses Sept 2011 – Sept 2012

La Douleur eXquise – first let me say this….my cd, in my mind, is & was a TOTAL success.  But for chart topping purposes, financial gain and demand, this was a huge MISS.  Released December 18, 2011, I have sold enough cds this year to count on both hands and have enough fingers left over to …..make a whole new hand. *shrug*

The Exquisite Pain Poetry Stage Show – Missed the opportunity to recreate this again due to internal drama.  *shrug*  One woman shows or limited participants from now on. And due to the improv factor of it, I wasn’t able to remember every poem I planned to do and as a result, the show itself was much shorter than what I wanted it to be.

Family – my family dynamics are horrid.  I love them, they love me, yet none of them understand having an “artist” as opposed to an engineer in their family. *shrugfest*

Friends – Man…this has been a world wind of a year for me where “friendships” are concerned.  Calling people out has been a desired want for the bitchiness in me, but simply moving on with life has been more important and conducive to where I’m trying to be in life.  Lost/let go of some “close” ones this year. And never felt better. *shrug*  What's not good for me, will not prevail in my life. Its been a hurtful process but a process towards the goal so its all good.

Divafest – I submitted my show, The Exquisite Pain, in for Divafest.  I didn’t really know what I was doing as far as putting the show in outline/play version, but I was fully confident in it, due to the success of the cd release party and follow-up show.  I submitted and waited ….and waited….and waited.  And when the results came back, I didn’t get picked.

NYC Trip – Was supposed to spend a few days in NYC for Labor Day.  Was all excited and ready but the trip got cancelled. Shit happens.

A Different Peace of Mind featuring Tommy Bottoms -  I completely dropped the ball on this. Missed creating a makeshift flyer, in the way only I can, and didn’t heavily promote it correctly.  The results showed the night of the show. It was embarrassing but I did my best to keep the energy that was there in there and in motion.  It worked as best it could.

Missed Opportunities – Indy Fringe Fest, Oranje, Art & Soul, AA Playwright Festival– I missed submitting for all of these, although I believed in my heart that I was qualified for each.

Relationship (as in significant other) – * dead  * followed immediately by #ICant

Show shit – I have only had a handful of shows this year and by a handful I mean one hand.  Not very many feature spots or out of town gigs. There have been a few but not many.  Haven’t performed at a school since early 2011. 

Travel – to date, I have not been further than the Ohio/KY borders.  I have suffered what I referred to as “statewide cabin fever” for the longest and it really weighed me down.  I’m not meant to stay in the same city for years on end.  Lol.  But it worked it self out with a bang ; )

RIP – heart breaking moments….lost a close aunt and one of the feral cats I feed. 

as of right now, this is all I  can think of for the “MissList” ….I’m sure there is more somewhere but ….you get the point. …now lets get on to the hits!

 

And the HITS just keep on coming . . .

Hits Sept 2011 – Sept 2012

La Douleur eXquise – despite the low cd sales, which is all on my shoulders & poor marketing, it was completed. And it was a job well done, in my opinion.  It was EVERYTHING I wanted it to be. And truthfully, in my heart, I believe God will get that cd in the proper hands at the proper time.

La Douleur eXquise Cd Release Party – First of all, the room was full.  The help I had along the way in making sure that it was everything that I wanted it to be and more, cannot be ignored.  The show itself, which was 99% improv, was a pure SUCCESS.  It went almost just like I planned and that works for me.

La Douleur eXquise Encore Show – One week after releasing my cd, I went back to the scene of the stage and repeated the same show (for the most part) for a room FULL of people who missed the prior one.  More cds were sold, more connections made and I racked up my second standing ovation for the show! Hard Truth – Lets not forget I performed at the IMA, with the Thornton Dial exhibit and alongside some of THE dopest female spoken word artists out there. Yeah that was me.

January 23 – I made it to another and had a great birthday, as usual : )

The Exquisite Pain Poetry Stage Show – debuting at the Earth House, this show would NOT have happened had it not been for a friend who put her money next to mine and said I believe in you and I believe in this.  I personally, would never had done that third show out of fear.  But she challenged me, I stepped up and what a success it was. Despite the internal affairs, I had a standing room only crowd of over 100 ppl that paid to see me and my show.  The performance between me and my castmates was priceless. We all did an amazing job and it has been captured professionally on video for the future.

The Signature: A Poetic Medley Show – I was blessed to be referred by another top name poet/artist to the people who operate this classy, upscale, artistic event that features only the best that ever did it.  This show is like  a TV show w/o the cameras!! That’s how powerful it is. Past performers include Sunni Patterson, Lemon, Black Ice, Georgia Me (upcoming 9/28), Shihan ….the list goes on.  I was blessed to have performed with Shihan and what a great experience it was.  To have this on my resume, for me, makes me feel great inside!

A Different Peace of Mind – In April, I was approached about being a host, which is something I had not thought of doing.  I reluctantly said yes, and may have opened myself up to a world of new opportunities.  Despite the times we have had low attendance, this place has really ushered in a breath of fresh air to my life….at least twice a month, now on  Tuesdays ( 5500 Emerson Way, Peace of Mind pub & eatery) <--- shameless plug right? lol…I’ve had some powerful features come and share our stage zone and it has been one helluva ride so far!!!! Blessed for a new opportunity that forces me outside of me and into orbit.

Revelations – having people reveal themselves or…better yet, having yourself ALLOW your eyes to see what has been revealed long time, is a beautiful thing. Clarity is crystal & delicate.

Mars Vs. Venus – Having been gifted the opportunity to host has inadvertently given me access to a ‘space’ that I don’t have to pay a fee to make things happen.  I was finally able to get Mars Vs. Venus off the ground and running.  I’ve been wanting to do one of those shows for years now and this past July, I made it happen.  In the midst of bullshitters and revelations , I was able to gather enough help and assistance to make that night one of THE most powerful, if not THE Most Powerful night in Indy Poetry History.

NYC – One week in NYC ….take off 12 days from now.  I will be performing in BROOKLYN NY on Monday Sept 28 and it will be sorta live but not really live streamed…lol…come back later for more details on that.  I am performing with Too Black at his Street Poets NYC feature that Friday.  And I am spending 6-7 days in NYC. Do I really have to say how this makes me feel or do you already know? #Pow

Street Poets NYC – Speaking of Street Poets NYC, as of September 15 (this Saturday) I will officially be a contributing writer for Street Poets Midwest, the new chapter which will be appearing on their site.  I will be in charge of putting the Midwest/Indy Spoken Word scene on the map for real! Can you say wow ??? After sixty days, the job is mine and paid ! #WinWinWin

Insight to Incite – Speaking of contributing writers……..as of yesterday, my official title for I2I, which is a magazine based out of St Louis but eventually moving to the Indy market as well, became “City Editor” !!! I am in charge of the content and the artistic parts of the magazine in which I again, will be focusing on putting Indy artists that are FOR REAL about their craft on the map. This is not limited to poets.  This position is paid as well !!!

Sponsorship – Not that we were even looking, but last night I was able to just about secure a sponsor for ADPoM !!! We are about to have a real deal budget !!! More to come on that later !!!!!!!!!!

Work – can I just say I’m still employed !!! I became an official employee of S&S (not telling, don’t ask) right before my cd release party and have been able to parlay myself into a raise for being honest about the situation!!!! #Blessed

Blogs – yeah its not secret I’m a writer….right? So I have lots blogs that most of you know about right ? Well I was granted an opportunity to takeover a well read local blog that informs followers of the arts community here in the city.  This absolutely ties back into both the site and the magazine that I am writing for. #WinWinWinWin

*************************************  - Today I was approached by a friend and asked to do something, but I want to hold off on telling exactly what it is until after it has passed. Not because I don’t believe in what was said because I do.  But if you notice, everything above has already happened, except NYC.  That way, I can give you a real deal detailed account of it, however, this opportunity is another writing/review shot that is fabulous !!! I can’t even begin to describe exactly how fabulous it REALLY is.  Just know there is a fab on the horizon  

Did I mention I’m performing in NYC? Oh. Ok.

DivaFest 2013 – Well….the submissions are open again.  Might as well try again.  After all, it is free !

Fashion Night Out – Ok….I tweeted my desires of being involved in Midwest Fashion Week. I mean, I’m an artist, a female and I love fashion, with a special emphasis on shoes   So it only seemed right to speak that into existence.  Well, MFW has not arrived yet but FNO did and guess who was a part of it !!!??? ME!!!!!! Thanks to a great supporter and networker, I was able to be a part of Fashion Night Out and hopefully, tonight I will write a blog about it !!!

Networks – My network is steadily growing. …last night I was able to meet with a new collective that is going to work together to increase the culture of the arts in Indy, with a special focus on Indiana Ave/The Walker Bldg.  Some of the connects  I made include a videographer for WFYI, one of the board of Directors members for the Walker Theater and a woman who works at IMA and worked on the Hard Truth Show we did (she heard of me before !!!!) ! In addition to that, I have my ladies at Black Apple Styling Agency & Boutique who will dress me in the best if need be, are supportive of my shows and will network me right along with themselves!!!!   #Blessed

She heard of me before !!! -  Well I figure I should mention this more…..so the lady, who’s name leaves me right now but will come back, recognized me but didn’t know from where. When I arrived, immediately after work, I introduced myself as Kendria by accident.  It sorta happened naturally since I hadn’t decompressed from Ken’s role as an employee and by the time I realized jY was not coming out, it was a wrap.  Well once everyone arrived and we all did our formal introductions and I said “januarieyork” was my stage name, she got excited !!! Because she recognized my VOICE from working directly with the sound bites and clips for our show !!! AMAZING FEELING

Videography – First let me start by saying I have two YouTube pages.  One under nsay that is mostly personal videos from parties and such…..the other, under januarieyork, is performance, high quality videos.  I need more followers on YouTube.  But in the meantime, The Definition, also known as Sexy You Aint BooBoo, has hit 1495 views to date and that is just the one version of it.  There are about three videos of this same exact performance out there.  Who knows what the real total is but I think 1400 plus views is WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!

I’m gonna end on this last one, even though I just KNOW something is missing….anything else will have to be in a part two towards the end of the year

On August 8th, I was contacted by Toshiba, telling me that the picture I submitted to their contest was one of eleven winners.  For the next seven days, my picture was shown every ten or so minutes on the Toshiba Screen in Times Square New York!!!! I watched it live a couple of times to see if it was real and it was very real!!!!!!! That unmistakable , center-tall structure that I once stood in front of in awe, switching from snapping pictures to snapping video, held my photo within it for seven days!!!! This is not by chance.

It is by design. 

This list was not compiled to brag and I hope it does not come off as such.  this was compiled to remind all of you that your year is NOT bad.  You might have fourteen bad things happen to you and three good ones for the whole year, but if you stop and think about it, the good is often SO DAMNED GREAT, that it outweighs the bad that outnumbers the good.  Sounds like a working plan to me.  No more this year will anyone hear me say I have had a bad year. I have had a BLESSED year.  This year was the year of jY.  The Hard Truth show was the first time I publically came out as januarieYork and not nsaychable ! I declared to myself that I was restarting with a brand new attitude and name and the my first show was sooooo huge that everything afterwards would have to be amazing to even be possible.  Well….according to this list…..

Possibilities are endless.

Be blessed.

Love your life EVERY EAR!

jY